Living in this life,
could only make me feel so sick now…
I don’t even know why I could make that outlook which people think I am cheerful…
Because that smile? that laugh? that synergy?
they think they know me…
have they ever known that I cry for no reason?Well, I don’t wish to view my life in that pessimistic way, I want to change.. to have a real life..
I mean a life with people.. people who really care about me..           not just for single while..
people who really hate me..                    although I don’t wish this happen..
people who really smile at me…              because they want to..
people who really angry at me…              if then, I will try my best to apologize..yes, I need people..
people who really teach me about life…
people who really give me reason to live…
people who really support me…
people who really know who I am…
people who really know my feelings..
people who really feel that I am sad or happy..
people who really rejoice with my smile…
people who really … 
really know that I am exist…

well, I don’t know I am right or wrong.. why am i so confuse?
I try to ignore everything that make me sad.. make me down…
I try my very best for that… So, I can have my smile.. I can live my life happily…
my goal? I confused…

I even confuse with myself..  I don’t understand myself…
I wish to be optimistic about this life…
I wish I have goal to live in this life..
I wish I have reason to struggle…
I wish I have smile to share with everyone..
I wish I have happiness to share with my friends and family…
I wish everything to make me full alive..
strong..
bold…
gentle…
pride…

~rhyn~

<9th June ’07>

life

At the moment, I felt kindda shocked because one by one the things that I hope from previous blog has come true. One incident that brought myself down to hell which really happened to me was one of my friend at my school are angry with me and I’ve tried to apologize… But then, the result is worse than I’ve ever can think of. We have not been spoken to each other for like a month. During that time, I have tried every single movement to apologize and try to mend our friendship. Nonetheless, everything was just too hard to be fixed. I was struggling without her notice, I sobbed at myself as not be her friend anymore. That time was the hardest time I have ever had with frienship. ‘Till now, we are still in cold war, or I can say both of us are pretending not seeing each other anymore. We walked pass by each other as in there was no one there. I don’t wish to do that, but I don’t know what else to do after her rejection of my apology and explanation that had brought my self-esteem talking to her daunt.

I have no idea how will this friendship goes. Big question is still popping in my mind everytime I meet her.

Has it broken? Or it is still shrinking? If it is still shrinking, does it mean I still have chance to fix that shrinking friendship?  

pooh_and_piglet.jpg

I have learnt nothing, and I really wish to learn something from this incident. Am I the evil one or it is just her that stubborn?

Is friendship really exists?? or will someday every friendships that I have vanished without my realization?

Rhyn~

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