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Hi there… Oh no, I have been slacking around these days. I felt so regret after I watched movies or I wasted my time by just doing random things.. >.< shit I hate procrascination yet I can’t help to not procrascinate…behhhh!
Anyway, I would just jotted down some thoughts after my procrascination… Yep, I thought about this when I started to study for any pop quiz that may turn out tomorrow. As usual, I only read for 3 slides and my thoughts were everywhere, I couldn’t focus at all! 😦
Random thoughts keep haunted me and suddenly I felt so blue… Be it because of the weather or the procrascination again, I urge myself to write it down here.
I wonder why people can just forget about what they have ever said. Well, if they don’t forget then why they don’t act as what they have ever promised? I wonder how could they promise something that gives big hope yet back off after about almost a year. Is that promise valid only for a year? I guess not, coz they implied that it will be long lasting. However, up to this moment I still can’t find the answer why people can ever start to promise important thing that eventually they do easily abandon it. No consistency, no commitment, nothing at all. I felt completely mad about it, disappointed deeply as well. I really want to tell them not to make any promise, moreover a BIG promise if they can’t even keep it sincerely! That BIG promise will only make someone who is being promised suffered from immense disappointment that people could ever imagined.
Please, don’t promise anything if you can’t guarantee you can keep it up. Don’t promise anything if you don’t really want to do it, especially about sensitive issues. I have to tell myself, also have to share this to you all. I don’t want to see any disappointment, sadness, pain or whatever that resulted because of the promise. 😦
Not only promise, but also don’t ever say anything if you don’t really mean it. It could hurt people more when they found out about it, you know… So, consider and contemplate properly when you want to make your statements. Be committed to what you have promised, be truthful to what you have said.
Yes, this is another procrascination arghhh… Exam is coming!! Well, at least I feel relieved after I wrote it here… 🙂
But, in my mind I still think whether I should wait when I have never been told to wait. Should I trust what I have been told? Was that all sincere?
Song from Mika Nakashima, I love you…
“I want to trust and wait, but at the same time I want to quit. It is hard to wait, but it is even harder to not wait… It is hard to trust, but it is even harder to forget what is trust… ”
I have just settled down, took bath and arranged my stuffs which were everywhere before that. Then I am writing this blog of course :p
Today is quite a tiring day, I don’t know what happened to myself, I woke up around 11 a.m., planned to revise my Chinese lesson since I will have mid term this Monday, WHAT? IT’s TOMORROW..! Well, I didn’t managed to finish the revision because I slept again at around 1.30 p.m. Dizziness cum sleepiness haunted me which drove me to bed and slept again. Planned to take a nap for 15 minutes, but I ended up sleeping for 2 hours….. =.= that’s so bad…
After I woke up I went for choir performance at Alumni Night which was held in Nanyang Auditorium. Well, that’s very tiring since we have nothing to do before our performance(attempt to study, but you know… hahaha ). That’s quite fun though, I really enjoy singing in choir when I sit back now and think about it. Although I will whine when there’s a lot of practices or when I doesn’t feel the bonding in it, I am still in choir. 🙂 At the end of the day, I will find that what I have done in choir is just incredible. Talking to some strangers, singing with them and make friends with them eventually.
Hmm, after we finished our performance (since we are the first performers) we need to wait for the finale and sing finale songs with all other performers. I decided to read through my readings, so I went to another waiting room which is smaller. Haha… Guess what happened afterwards… I DIDN’T EVEN FINISH 1 PAGE! The reason is because I am talking to my friends at first, then suddenly other choir members enter and turn on the TELEVISION… hahahha.. Everyone put back their notes and just watching TV for the rest of the buffering time… 😄
This maybe because we haven’t been watching TV for quite sometime. You will know why if you are NTU students, especially international students. I felt so excited hahaha.. We watched “David Copperfield show” followed by “The Simpson”… Lastly is American TV series which seems quite ‘old’ called, “The Stepford Wives”… >.< ohhh so nice to watch TV after not watching it for a long time…. hahhaha…
Anyway, what is the purpose of this entry? It is recognition of the day I have passed through. I realized that I enjoy being a performer as choir, I enjoy watch TV so much, and I enjoy talk to people. I love that than studying… fiuhh… What to do, we must study for the sake of our future life.. Although sometimes I doubt it.. hahha ^-^
Here is the poster for “Stepford Wives” series merely for you to know about it… Quite a nice poster 🙂
NICOLE KIDMAN as you can see…. ^^
Choir is GOOD… ah, craving to go for competition at Olomeuc… Can I go? confused**
Many things have happened, so fast that I have left behind some part of them. Moreover, last night when I want to delete my inbox messages, as I mark those I want to delete, the content of messages gave me some pictures of the past. A lot of things have actually happened without my mindfulness. From the advices, stories, supports, simply reply and response to some messages that I can hardly delete are all there. They are 400 plus messages!
Besides that, when I skimmed through some messages I realized that my best friend messages are there with all the courages she have given to me when I told her about my difficulty to decide on ‘something’. I read through it and said to myself that she is absolutely true. If only I didn’t hear to her advices that time, I might have in the most difficult situation at the moment. I might abandon my mind and life for ‘something’ that doesn’t deserve to get my sacrifices. Today, that ‘something’ is no more exist without a single sign of departure. Relief in one hand, but sad at the other hand.
What my friend has once told me is proven true that that ‘something’ was just temporary. I have forgotten what my friend said which make me feel lost about that ‘something’. But fortunately, I have remembered the forgotten advice from my best friend. I will not try to protect that ‘something’ when it doesn’t seems to put any effort to do that to itself.
Yes, it doesn’t matter anymore from this moment onwards because I will have forgotten the ‘bad’ and ‘good’ of that ‘something’ as time goes by without any attempt to remember it. But, I will always remember I have had experience that unforgotable ‘something’.
What is really that ‘something’ is? Well, I can say it maybe like process or experience that may be my life time lesson. It maybe called すき、愛 or less than that. I don’t know.