Do you see any connection between those two? Does it make any sense?

This inspired by my long-hectic day since this morning…

lonely

I woke up late again today, fortunately my roomie called me up or I will really miss my Communication History class 😐 As I made my way to my school, I was walking so fast as my brain suddenly strucked with one bunch of people rushing together for their class. This time, I walked with my sprained legs, and asked myself, “Why should I be the one who walked alone with this sprained legs?” Because I was almost late for class, I didn’t ponder on that feeling too much and went for my class.

Later, I had two hours break before the other class – Organizational Communication. So, I just went straight to South spine alone again, as I need to catch up with a lot of stuff, especially my core subjects. Just when I sat down to the bench, another group of people are discussing something about the lecture they have just attended, I guess. With a sudden, I just suddenly feel so lonely at the bench there. Was it because no one sitting and talking about part that I don’t get in the lecture at that moment? Or was it because I’ve never have chance to talk about it with my friends in CS for a long time?

Whichever is the case, I believe that loneliness has kinda eat my self these days.  It has starting to spread so badly like incurable cancer since I don’t even know when…

 But, everytime I got this distress invaded myself, I attempt to cope it somehow. Not always successful, but it usually help to ease this gloomy state.

Yes, that is when I have to be selfish and ask someone to accompany me like just simply talk to me. However, I mentioned before seldom that it will not fail. This is the case for today… Sometimes, I am just not selfish enough to ask them out. Despite the loneliness that I feel, selfishness in me is not that strong built-up. Thus, ended up entrusted my spirit to enjoy loneliness again and again.

I can try to ignore it, as a cancer patient that try to convince herself that she doesn’t suffered from cancer. But, imagine how hard that will be!

Well, I may say that selfishness can ease your loneliness sometimes yet really in short-term. So, I guess the best way to cure loneliness is by pampering myself all the time whenever I am alone. Because at the end of the day, I can’t be selfish to wish for ONE random person to come and sit then talk to me all the time. I just have no courage to wish for that or do that. Yet, it is so difficult to pamper ourselves!

Should I being selfish hoping for my friends (since my family are not here) to come and accompany me whenever I need them? Hmm, maybe some say I am greedy, but that depends…

Anyway, I recalled the news coverage I read in internet about a month ago (Yahoo!). It stated that researches have found out that loneliness can be damaging to health. Thus, a lot of old people suffered from diseases for their not-so-healthy status because they feel lonely in their old ages.

Well, if you chew cud on it, it could be a valid reason to explain why old people tend to suffer from illness easily compared to young people. They will tend to be less engaged in social conversation with others. They prefer to stay at their home and wait for their family to visit them. Then, are they being SELFISH when hoping for their cute grandchildrens visit them or their sons or daughters embraces them frequently? You will have your own stand for this situation as well.

Whether it is young people or old people, loneliness still a very dangerous “disease”… It is so hard to be removed from one self. See, if you have friends, still they are not be able to be your side all the time even your very best friend, right? Then, if you advise me to engage in more social conversation, will that help? For some maybe… SO, what’s the solution??

We may need more time to think about it.. maybe try to busy with your activities or create your own things to do… ? I have no idea…

But, sometimes, the world just seems to reject me when I feel lonely.

The question is always “Why am I left alone?”

Could selfish be a good treatment for this “disease”?

~rhyn

*confused*

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