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This is gonna be ranting session! ignore…

What the hell is going on here now?? I am stuck in school like yesterday without having my dinner. Well, you can say that it’s my own fault not to just leave the school and grab my meal. But, there’s no way to do that if I have to finish and not coming back again tomorrow. At least I have to stay here because I see this as my responsibility.

But really I have enough with this. I have no idea why at the first place I am so naive to involve in two organizations. It won’t look as if they are two big ones, just that I really think that I won’t be able to do this anymore. Looking towards to let go one of them in January.

Basically, I was stuck in school without my dinner, just finished my make-up tutorial*extremely confusing one. Now, I am supposed to catch the last bus and go to the event I supposedly HAVE to attend. Hell yeah, now I am still waiting for the file to be rendered and it will take another hour to be completed. Is this really my work! Man… I don’t mind doing this, just that isn’t there any of you can help me and supposed to help me out??? *I refer to them!

What kind of people are you all? Please be more considerate, and help me a single bit! Now, I have to go to the event, but I can’t since no one will be able to help me look after the file in the school. And, if I have to go now, I will waste all my efforts and time since yesterday! I just need you to help me LOOK AFTER the file. THAT’s ALL!

OH well, you can say this is my responsibility again. But why not helping me when I am always the one being blame when supposedly your task are not properly managed? why should I be the one who have to bear with whatever things you should be in charge with..

Ah well, enough this is enough man!

This will be the last time I rant about this! I am gonna kill this by tomorrow, and that’s all!

I learn a very “INSIGHTFUL” and “FRUITFUL” lessons today..

DO NOT take too many RESPONSIBILITIE(S), and never ever be a nice person or you will be stepped above your head!

rhynchan~

*sorry if I rant too much, I just can’t stand it*

Well, today was totally madness. Oh no, it was since yesterday hmm.. no, it was since last week.

Hell yeah, everything just kept coming and never stop for a moment. Well, i guess it’s the way life is…

But, if I remember what I have had back there in Indonesia, I may not agree and lead this kind of life here.

There are advantages and disadvantages for sure between living here and Indonesia. I’ve tried to appreciate the advantages I have been getting these few years, safety, clean air, organized society, excellent education and whatever you can think of. However much effort I put in, it seems there’s just not much difference for this very competitive life here. There’s no significant improvement I can see when I look at my present self.On top of that, I feel like a robot who keeps doing whatever programs with packed schedule in her mind. In other words, I don’t see anything right with what I have done here, not even to say any satisfaction I get out of it.

I don’t intend to justify that when I was back then in Indonesia I enjoyed any improvement or anything by doing or putting effort on something. But just, there’s at least something that I can appreciate, I appreciate myself as much as I appreciate others. I didn’t look down at myself neither at others. I loved the way I am and felt grateful in every minute I spent with whoever I was with. I couldn’t ask for more than what I got back then… T.T

… my few close friends cum bunch of lively friends (nerdy, even to the extreme of rebellious buddies), loud family (dad who is so moody, mom who is so wise, sis who is so kind, bro who is so fun, grandmas, aunties, and everyone), full day activities (class from 7.30 to 3, continued with various private lessons)…

.

I miss that time so much that I am willing to give up whatever I have had now, convenient life, safety, groups of acquaintances, bunch of friends, two years of hard work, basically everything if I can get back and lead that simple life again. It was when I didn’t know what independent mean, what modern life is, what being an adult feels like, what love take forms of, what loneliness is, what depressed is, what achievement is, what  international competition sounds like, what philosophy is, what financial mean and whatever may go on in the list… 😦

I know I am dumb to think and look back (someone who is not gonna moving forward!). I know it’s useless to look back and think that’s the best. But, I just can’t appreciate what I have now. Deadlines, competitive friends, unclear state of mind, I am just tired. Many times, when I feel alone I talk to myself like someone who is going to join the mental health community. Remind myself that it will be over, just do it and everything will be alright, in place in time… pull all the strength out and it will be fine.

.

But what? The past looks more attractive and easier to pursue.. Am I doing the right thing? If I am not, I wish to be given hints so I won’t regret. So that, I will give up my dream to go back and to dream the future.

She become someone who hate herself more and more because of her clumsiness, her incompetitiveness, her disconnection with ppl...

rhynchan~

Ikutin aja arus, suatu saat pasti akan ada kesempatan menuju tujuan itu… 🙂

ga usah ngelawan arus kalau tidak sanggup. ga usah melawan arus kalau kau pun tak tahu tujuanmu. Lga usah melawan arus kalau di sana banyak keraguan. Lagian dengan melawan arus habis saja tenagamu… Ikuti arus ga  perlu tenaga yg besar tapi tetap melihat kesempatan meraih perahu untuk menuju tujuanmu, suatu saat pasti ada yg menyelamatkanmu. mudah2an aja kamu berakhir ke tujuan itu… Kalaupun tidak, yakinlah kalau akan ada penyelamat lain yg menyelamatkanmu. yang perlu kamu lakukan hanya berusaha sebaik mungkin untuk tetap terjaga melihat kesempatan2 itu… Tetap berusaha melihat smua yg bisa di gapai… Kalau kau memutuskan melawan arus, ingat, seharusnya kau pun sudah berbekal keyakinan yang kuat, ketidakputusasaan, kekuatan…

Haizz, you can’t fall sick anyway for this week. If not it will be a disaster! So many things to do omg!

OFF

Meaning of Life~

There are so many meaning of someone's life. Those meanings though are hard to understand and detected, people still searching for the meanings. I know that my life will only meaningful, when I realized the meaning of my life. Until then, I am still a wanderer in this one and only life. I won't feel sad even I still blur and have no clue about what my life will be. "All things happen for reason(s)" will be in my dictionary forever. And because of reason(s) that I will still live on and smile. :)

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